It’s so nice to see you again.

The long wait is over. It’s back.

Naks parang bongga, wifi connection lang pala. After two months, our internet connection can actually connect–finally. It’s still not that stable though and the speed could be really, really pathetic at times, but hey, at least it’s now working with our Belkin router. Yes, I have to say that we have a Belkin router because BayanTel thought that we have one of those cheapo routers na pwede nilang laitin. They tried actually, kaso may in-you-face moment when their technicians slowly read B-e-l-k-i-n on the body of our router. In yah face man, in yah face. BEH.

BTW I still had to pay for the two months of hassle that BayanTel provided us with. Akalain mo yun, ikaw ba naabala, ikaw pa magbabayad. What can we do? It’s their system and what they really care for is the money. (I told the super supervisor that. Hahaha. If felt so darn good.) Wala na raw way to adjust the billing, so okay, bongga bitch na ko. Nagsayang ako ng pera, I need to tell them how ridiculous their system is. Nakakuha naman ako ng moment ko. Wheeee. On a lighter note, feeling ko tuloy ang yaman ko. Bumibili na ako ngayon ng sakit ng ulo. I shall kebs all this though–karma is a bigger bitch than me, sya na siguro bahala sa BayanTel.

♥ Dyosaimma

A Letter for the Big Guy’s Pizza Visayas Avenue Branch Supervisor (Updated)

Dear Big Guy’s Pizza Visayas Avenue Branch Supervisor,

Thank you for trying to insult my intelligence. That was such a bold move! I wish I could meet you someday so I can slap you with my Mensa ID. Your insult was half-assed and thank God that I was able to counter it with sarcasm, which you obviously did not get. Eat more vegetables, they’re rich in vitamins and minerals, which are good for the human brain.

I am not yet done with Christmas shopping and I plan to hit the mall again this weekend to buy more gifts. I intend to buy brains for you and your trusted cashier, Nena. I hope there are stores that sell brains because I really don’t want you to live like this anymore. There are a lot of people in this world who hate very stupid people and they might see you–God knows what they can do to you! OH I AM SO SCARED FOR YOU AND NENA! Someone might end up cutting your heads with an ax if they see you parading your wit proudly.

It was so big of you to try to insult me. I’m pretty sure that the difference between my IQ and yours is more than 100–no, I’m not a genius. So that makes your IQ… very very low. Could be negative, from what I’ve seen from you today.

Again, thank you. I really, really appreciate it.

♥ Dyosaimma

PS: Gemma from Big Guy’s Pizza admin called to inform me that because of what happened yesterday (and today), they’re giving me a 20″ pizza and I can get it anytime I wish. I’d just have to call their office to inform them. Thank you, Gemma. Thank you!

The Big Guy’s Pizza Visayas Avenue Branch Boo-Boo

Yesterday, I realized that there really are two kinds of people: The smart ones and the people from Big Guy’s Pizza Visayas Avenue branch.

I’ve ordered in Big Guy’s Pizza before, pero sa Libis branch ako lagi. The people there are friendly and efficient. I called the Libis branch last Wednesday to order a 36″ inch pizza for my birthday (Thursday, 8th of December) and they referred me to their Visayas Avenue branch because it’s nearer to our building. So I placed my order to this girl, who could not get the name of our building right. I should’ve seen that phone call as an omen with how things will turn out the next day. I told this Big Guy’s Pizza Visayas Ave girl that I need the pizza to be delivered by 3PM. Not 3:10, not 3:30, not 3:45. 3PM. Actually ganyan ako sa phone. As in clear na 3PM.

The next day, December 8, Thursday, at 1PM, I called Big Guy’s Pizza in Visayas Avenue to confirm my order. The same girl answered the phone and she said that I should expect the pizza at 3PM.

3PM comes. No pizza.

3:10. 3:20. Still no pizza. Even the guards in our building were telling me that my pizza is very late already. 3:20 na eh.

So at 3:30, I called Big Guy’s Visayas Ave again, to ask where the hell the pizza was. The same girl whom I confirmed my order with, told me that they cooked my pizza late kaya 3:10 na nakaalis yung delivery guy sa branch nila.

At around 3:45-3:50, the pizza finally arrives. It was cold and dry. The kids whom I bought the pizza for, were all hungry by then. I had to stop them kasi hindi pa kami nagdadasal and I haven’t taken a picture of the pizza yet. Buti nga at naalala kong birthday ko (dahil na rin sa prayer ng mga bata), so hindi ako naging mahadera even though I had every right to be one. I had no plans of paying for the pizza by then, but I thought that the delivery guy would be the one who’d suffer if I wouldn’t pay. So naisip ko na lang na tawagan yung Big Guy’s Visayas Ave to complain about what happened.

That’s exactly what I did today. To my dismay, pababaan pala ng IQ ang mga tao sa Big Guy’s Visayas Ave. The supervisor told me that they will give me back my money if I can return the pizza ng walang bawas. Nung narinig ko yan, pumilantik na tenga ko. Unang-una, sila na ang may mali dahil 3PM dapat nasa akin na yung pizza, tapos 3:10 nila pinaalis yung delivery boy. I did not even receive any proper apology from the branch supervisor, all I got were excuses. I had no choice but to call the Libis branch and have the supervisor there, who is really, really kind and dependable, to help me with my problem with the Visayas Avenue branch. She told me that their Visayas Ave branch is new at yun na rin yata ang pinakaproblematic sa lahat.

UGH. I guess what I’m trying to say is that okay, I get it na under training pa yung mga tao because the branch is new. Pero diba kahit na trainees, dapat hindi shinu-shut down ang utak? You never shut your braindown when you’re at work. People expect you to function properly, people pay good money to see you function properly. Errors lead to losses and very angry customers. Employees are representatives of a business or a company, so it’s important that they know their roles. Their mistake is the whole company’s mistake. I like Big Guy’s Pizza, as in natutuwa talaga ako sa kanila kasi sulit yung 36″ pizza nila, ang dami dami ng mapapakain nun tapos very generous pa yung toppings. Pero yung mga ganitong klase ng manifestations ng katangahan, mas powerful ‘to sa sarap tsaka sa dami ng toppings eh. Kasi aanhin ko yung sandamakmak na mushrooms at pepperoni kung bumaliktad na sa gutom yung sikmura ko kakahintay sa pizza?

If you want to order Big Guy’s Pizza and you’re from QC, avoid the Visayas Avenue branch at all costs. You may call the Libis branch at 584.6702, where there are smart and nice employees. If they will suggest that your place is nearer Big Guy’s in Visayas Ave., tell them that you can not deal with people with negative IQ’s because you have the tendency to chop their heads off with an ax. Oo, may dala ka kasing ax palagi, for practical reasons.

♥ Dyosaimma

A Love Letter to Vice President Jejomar Binay

Dear Vice President Jejomar Binay,

Nakasabay ko po ang sasakyan nyo at ang mga escorts nyo kaninang umaga along Philcoa. I should probably be honored to be in such place, kasi diba kung iisipin, ang cool nun o. My car is beside the car of the second most powerful man in the Philippines. Kaya lang, hassle po ang ginawa ng mga escorts nyo sa aming lahat. Do you know that abruptly stopping cars along a highway may have lead to accidents? May have lead, meaning pwedeng mangyari. Wala naman kasi akong data na hawak ngayon to support my claim. Pero pwede rin siguro akong mag-text brigade to consult other drivers about my theory. Sa experience nyo po ba eh magandang idea ang pagtetext brigade, sir?

Anyway, napansin ko nga rin po palang hindi nyo sinunod ang 60kph speed limit along Commonwealth Avenue. I can attest to this kasi 60kph ang takbo ng kotseng minamaneho ko nung nilampasan nyo kami ng escorts nyo. And just when I thought I was seeing the worst from the second most powerful man in the Philippines, I noticed that the MMDA traffic enforcers, who looked like they were having a good time playing with the speed gun, did not reprimand your Chevrolet Suburban nor the Toyota Fortuners and the Toyota Land Cruisers for over speeding. Vice President Binay, nakakahiya naman sa aming mga sumusunod sa speed limit at tina-try na maging maayos na mga drivers. Naiintindihan kong kayo ang Vice President of the Philippines at ang lakad nyo (malamang) ay official, pero hindi naman yata reason yun para maging adelantado kayo at ang mga escorts nyo sa daan. Paano yan, kaming mga bumabyahe rin para sa trabaho (at para magtrabaho), technically ay official din ang mga lakad namin. Does that mean we can also violate traffic rules?

Anyway, Mr. Vice President, konting sharing ko lang naman yan. Alam kong busy po kayong tao. Sana maisip nyo ring hindi lang kayo ang busy. Ganyan po ba ang nakasanayan nyo sa Makati? Sa experience ko kasi, grabe ang pag-i-implement ng traffic rules sa Makati eh. Nakakatakot mag-drive sa lugar nyo. Anyway, para hindi po kayo ma-late sa mga lakad nyo, try nyong bumyahe ng maaga at pwede bang wag kayong mangharang ng ibang sasakyan. Pwede namang po kasing hindi maka-abala ng ibang tao para makapagtrabaho, sana po try nyo rin.

Nice cars by the way. Highest level sa kintab at pagka-black. Parang balat nyo lang po, sir.

♥Dyosaimma

There is no such thing as mandatory respect.

We attended a family gathering this evening and even before we arrived at the venue, nagkandaligaw-ligaw kami. At kung ang driver ay ang tatay ko, that rarely happens. As in rare. Nung pauwi naman kami, flat yung isang gulong ng kotse. Again, that rarely happens.

During the family gathering, it was awkward. Yes, that rarely happens.

I have this cousin na inaway ko, for the right reasons naman, I think. Ever since we were young, she never fails to find a way para laitin/apihin ako at ang mga kapatid ko. ALWAYS. Pero dahil kailangang maging good, we always just let it go. Until last New Year, nung napuno na ako sa lahat ng lait nya. So I wrote her a letter to tell her how much I loathe her existence. And then the next thing I knew, my aunt, my cousin’s mom, calls our house.

First of all, hindi yun away bata. Me and my cousin are both in our 20′s, kaya para sa akin ay medyo below the belt yung pangingialam ng tita ko sa issue. Pangalawa, walang alam yung tita ko sa dapat hindi sya sumali diba. Worse, they started talking to other people about what happened. Hanggang sa umabot na sa kung sino-sinong uncle at auntie ko yung nangyari. Buti na lang at kilala nila kami pareho magpinsan at alam nila ang mga bagay-bagay. Yesssss.

So kanina sa family gathering, my aunt was there. Buti na lang at wala yung pinsan ko dahil kung nagkataon, mas malaking gulo yun. Hindi naman nagkagulo actually, medyo awkward lang. Everyone was telling me to kiss my aunt pero dahil hindi ako pinalaki ng mga magulang ko para lang maging plastic, hindi ako bumigay. The thing is, pag ako ang tinalo mo at kung ako at ang pamilya ko ang gagawin mong topic ng kwento nyo ng anak mo, do not expect me to give you respect.

Sabi ni Papa kanina, normal sa mga magkakamag-anak ang nagkakasamaan ng loob. I think he’s not trying to patronize me, pero ang sinasabi lang nya, wag akong ma-pressure maging mabait.

Friends, you gotta listen to your dads you know. They know the best things in life.

Dyosaimma

My hooker heels are missing. Isosoot ko pa naman yun sa Sabado.

My hooker heels are missing. And I just learned today that my sister’s sneakers are also missing. Theory ko, may nangunguha ng mga sapatos dito sa bahay. At bukod sa aming lima sa pamilya, isang tao lang ang nakakapasok dito. I don’t want to point fingers, but this is me being deductive. Ugggghhhhh.

I just want to tell that person who’s been taking our shoes that you could’ve earned more had you taken some of my bags. Yes, they have all those authenticity shit that you need to prove that a bag is really worth something. I just don’t have the boxes because I sold them already. Really. The shoes that you took are worth about P3000. Try the gold bag next time, so that you’d have enough money for the deposit for a brand new sedan.

♥ Dyosaimma

I’ll buy this pin in bulk and give it away to A LOT of people.

I got this from someone’s Pinterest, pinned under the category “Things That Make Me Go HA!” I wonder where I can buy this in bulk. This would be the perfect Christmas gift for a lot of people in my workplace.

♥ Dyosaimma

 

There is no sense conducting a bible study if you’re going to steal the tables and chairs from the other room.

Every Thursday, the room where I hold tutorials is adjacent to the room where women aged 40 and up cry their hearts out. Literally. And yes, they do sing praises to the Lord. Ahhh-men.

I had to leave the room for a while at around 1:30PM, so I left these sheets of paper on the tables and chairs that I requested for. I came back at around 1:45PM. My tables and chairs are nowhere to be found. As I looked through the glass divider between my room and the crying ladies’ room, I saw my tables. And my chairs.

Funny no? Highest level ng bible study ang activity pero simpleng courtesy, ang hirap ma-achieve. Maybe my note was ignored because they could not see the Lord in the text. Natawa na lang ako instead na mapamura. I just went to the officer in charge and requested for new tables and chairs. Madali lang kasi mag-request, magsasabi ka lang. Siguro hindi na makapaglakad yung mga matatandang dalaga sa room na katabi ko dahil sa arthritis. Pwede ring rheumatism. At osteoporosis. At scoliosis. At meningitis. Lahat na ng sakit na may -is sa dulo, go!

At least they didn’t take the notes that I left with the table. Aabutan ko na sila ng limos, awa at utak kung ganon ang nangyari.

Sorry for the bitterness over the stolen tables and chairs, pero I left a note eh. I didn’t write it in Greek at simple lang ang mga salita. Really? Bastusan over tables and chairs, ganon? Nakakahiya lang kasi yung mga nanguha ng lamesa at upuan ko ay bible study ang activity. Diba parang may mali?

Pero pwede ring desperado na sila dahil kahit anong gawin nilang iyak every Thursday afternoon eh parang di pa rin sila nauubusan ng problema, so kailangan na talaga nilang mapansin ni Lord. So ayun, gumawa sila ng bad so that the Lord will notice them. Sana naman effective.

♥ Dyosaimma

I’m still trying to convince myself to let this all go–but I can’t.

I-she-share ko sana kung kailan ko binayaran ni Mrs. GVB at Mrs. ESD para sa tutorials ng mga anak nila last school year, kaya lang bigla kong naalalang hindi pa pala sila bayad.

I-she-share ko rin sanang pinansin na nila Mrs. GVB at Mrs. ESD yung mga text, emails at tawag ko. Kaya lang naalala kong hindi nga pala nila sinasagot yung mga text, email at tawag ko.

Sayang. Ang sarap sigurong ikwentong binayaran na nila ako. Kasi last school year pa yung mga unpaid dues nila. Gusto ko lang naman may mai-share na masayang kwento sana.

Something tells me na I should be zen about Mrs. GVB and Mrs. ESD. Kaya lang this isn’t just about the unpaid dues anymore. This is about how they think they own everyone in the building that we all work in.

Sayang. Kung tinext lang sana nila ako noong matatagalan ng bongga yung pagbabayad nila, ok lang sana sa akin. Ang problema hindi nila ako gustong makita o makausap. Mukhang hindi na yata mangyayari yung inaasam-asam kong bayaran ako nila Mrs. GVB at Mrs. ESD.

Dibale. Iisipin ko na lang na baka pinambili ng anti-aging cream ni Mrs. GVB yung pambayad nya sa akin. Sobrang daming jars pa naman ang kelangan nya, medyo kulubot na kasi yung fez nya, ganon kasi yung plastic pag matagal na. Tapos iisipin ko na lang na baka pumutok na yung girdle ni Mrs. ESD kaya she had to buy a new one at nagamit nya yung perang pambayad sa akin. Custom-made kasi yung girdle ni Mrs. ESD, wala kasing kasya sa kanya sa mga ready to wear girdles, kaya ayun, medyo mahal.

Hay buhay. Kawawa naman sila Mrs. GVB at Mrs. ESD. Tingin ko valid naman yung reason nila for not paying me. Tsaka feeling ko ang goal nilang dalawa eh umabot sa first anniversary yung utang nila sa akin para bongga! Ito kasing sila Mrs. GVB at Mrs. ESD, close friends sila tapos they run an events company. So theory ko, paaabutin nila ng one year bago nila ako bayaran, para nga may anniversary. You know, para may event! Yahoo! Forte kasi nilang dalawa ang events.

At apparently, forte rin nila ang hindi magbayad.

Good job po mga madam. Good job!

♥ Dyosaimma

On envy

While me and my sisters were growing up, one of the things that my parents stressed upon us is that we are free to feel anything towards any other person in this world except envy. For envy will lead to greed and failure to get what you want to satisfy your greed will probably lead to worse things. Thankfully, I am proud to say that me and my sisters are really not the type of girls who’d envy other people just because they relatively have more than us. We’re perfectly fine with what we all have right now and yes, we want better things, but we know that we’ll get there and we’ll eventually get what we think we want.

For people–especially those close to me–to say that I envy some girl because they went to some place with some person they think I want to be with–well, that just sucks. And I am beyond frustrated. Why? Because that remark came from someone close to me. UGGGHHHH. It feels like shit you know, for people whom you think you know enough, to surprise you in really awful ways. I mean, they could’ve picked something else to say less offensive. This is all so darn frustrating.

So. To set the record straight, the names of the people who appear on the list that follows this text are those whom I feel envious of: (in no particular order)

• Angelina Jolie
• Anne Hathaway
• Charlene Gonzales
• Georgina Wilson
• Isabelle Daza
• Taylor Swift
• Emma Watson

Aaaaaand… Case closed. If your name is not in the list above, then I don’t really give a shit with whom you spent your holiday with. I will also not give a damn about the moisturizing cream that you put on your face at night. I also promise that I will never sympathize for you if you end up choosing the wrong hair color at the salon. Why? Because I really just don’t care. About you. Okay, I’ll give it one more go just in case you missed it: I don’t care.

Envy is what people feel when they see someone who has something that they really, really, really, really, really want. It just doesn’t apply to me and for some people I know. Trust me, it doesn’t. (I think this is where I’m supposed to laugh like an evil queen. So. Hahahaha.)

♥ Dyosaimma